CD, CD, CD

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

I’m sitting here, past three in the morning, and I’ve just decided that i need to make a post. I’m not sure why i feel i must post, but regardless, i am doing so. my eyes are so very tired, and my body and mind are telling me that i must sleep, but some strange desire in me says that i must write and write and write. so thats exactly what I’m doing. we had aimees graduation party to- (last) -night. it was fun; all zebra stripy. she even got sparkly zebra converse from her friend. i love my little sister. aimz jean is just one of the kewlest people i know. she’s beautiful, funny, intelligent, confident, and most of all, she loves jesus. I’ve already been able to spend more time with her, now that school is behind her, but i need to make more time. i want to go on little adventures with her and stuff. she and i are so alike in so many ways. its just a good thing that were alike in the good ways, and not the bad ways. i would not want her to have my bad tendencies. but she is such a voice of reason, righteousness, and purity. she has such a passion and a love for the things of the lord, it makes me want to be better than i am. she has a clear vision for where god is leading her, and its so awesome. i wish i had that. she clings to christ, and her fears are dispelled. she has a faith that keeps her on the narrow path. granted we don’t know when she will actually be going, but when she goes to australia, i will miss her greatly. adelaide. it looks like a beautiful city. and australia looks like a beautiful country. i am excited for her. it will be wonderful to see how she grows through the experience, and i can’t wait to see the kind of young woman she turns out to be, even just after her time there. honestly though, she is already such a beautiful, strong young woman of god; it amazes me sometimes. i love being able to watch god work in her life and grow her into the woman he wants her to be, a woman passionate about serving him. but for now i will try to just draw with her.

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

So, I’m sitting here, past my bedtime, in Sam’s room while he records for a YouTube contest he’s entering, and I decided that it would be a good idea to write up a post. I just want to say, God is good. He has been revealing Himself to me in ways I’ve never thought He would. He is stirring up such a passion in me and my brothers for purity and honor and that it would spread to the other young men around us. The Holy Spirit manifest Himself in such an amazing way on Sunday night, it’s uncontainable. I witnessed the fear of man broken and the authority of the Holy Spirit imparted to certain young people I’ve never heard speak out so boldly in my life. Because of their humility and meekness, God considered them the perfect spokespersons to impart His revelation to our group. We prayed and wept over the high schools of Cape Cod and the Community College – that the love of Christ would be seen by the youth of Cape Cod through the young people in our group. We asked for a fresh outpouring of the power of the Holy Spirit and God’s love. We sang together in the tongues of men and of angels, prophesying over one another with affirmation and revelation from the Scriptures. God has ignited such a fire in our hearts, and we desire that it would not fade. There are those of us who have been devoting ourselves to time in the secret place with God, praying for the love of Christ to reach the youth of Cape Cod and for revival to be stirred up in our hearts. We know that the only way to keep the flames fed and blazing is to dedicate ourselves to a life of prayer and fasting. God is raising up this generation to bring on the drought and to drive out the spirit of Jezebel in our culture, slaughtering the priests of idolatry who represent sexual perversion and immorality, and praying in the rain when the hearts of the people return to the one true God, our Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, who is called Faithful and True and whose name is the Word of God!

So by Him who is able to silence the tongues of the wicked and bring vindication to the righteous, Grace and Peace to you in Christ!

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

So, I know that people usually do this at about the turn of the New Year, but bear with me; it takes me longer than most to process things.

This past year has been crazier than I ever would have expected it to be. I’m not even sure I realized how much was going on while it was happening. I’ve been through, and put myself through, some difficult things. I pursued, messed up, was hurt, gave up, ran away, wandered and wondered, quit, left home, tested some waters, tried to mend something, decided the waters didn’t flow where I was headed, caused hurt and was hurt again, let go, and came home. Now that I’m home, I’m bound to have yet another crazy year finding my place here. I don’t think we always realize how much happens in a year. Sometimes I wonder how much we actually grow from the things we go through. Did I learn anything this year? I suppose I actually learned a lot, but not necessarily the things I thought I would learn, or wanted to learn. I feel like I’ve learned a lot, but made no progress. In fact, I feel as though I’ve taken a step backward – probably multiple. So where am I? Who am I? Why am I? I just want to be passionate about something, but will I just be stuck searching for the spark? Honestly, the only thing I feel truly passionate about is the thing I am most terrible at and probably not even close to being ready for: Love. Now, I don’t mean love of your family, or friends, or pets, or people in general, or God. I mean the passion, the Eros, the intimacy only felt between two souls who have stripped their hearts bare before one another. People keep saying that I’ll never be ready for that love until my first and highest passion is God, but I just don’t get it. How can I know this God as a person? All I am able to see Him as is a philosophy, a set of teachings about a perfect character. Where is the substance that others claim they have found? I can philosophize all day long, say just the right things and ask just the right questions among my Christian family, even live according to the precepts of the Word, Christ Jesus, but where is my soul?

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

I know that for some of you reading this, it will be the first you hear of what I am about to say. I have chosen not to continue formal academic pursuit, which means I will no longer be attending Gordon College. However, that is not what I wish to talk about. The other day, I spoke with Pastor Erik about my decision, and the reasoning behind it, and what – good – can potentially come from it. This entry is about that.

Before running off in August to test the waters of the academic world, I was working once a week with Pastor Erik. I had the opportunity, once a month, to attend the Evangelical Minister’s Fellowship, which met at Living Hope Family Church – my home church, of which Erik Eskelund is the pastor. I believe that in everything I spent my time doing, I did not find so much encouragement as in that once-a-month meeting. Across denominational differences, pastors from all over Cape Cod were coming together to fellowship with one another, to build relationships with one another, to come to each other with needs, concerns, encouragement, and even accountability in some cases. By the efforts of these men, the spiritual leaders God has given the community of Cape Cod, the part of Christ’s body dwelling in this little corner of the Northeastern United States has grown in unity and community over the years. The fellowship – the community – that these men engage in inevitably trickles down to their congregations. Both within each congregation and between the congregations, unity continually grows. Again, I’m slightly off topic, though it was good to give this background. Essentially, I want to be part of building this community. I’m not entirely sure what that looks like for me, yet, but I’m just really looking forward to being a part of what God is doing here. I see the church really looking to reach out to the community in solid, practical ways. It is trying to build a good reputation with the local governments and community leaders, so it isn’t simply seen as just another religious institution, but a conglomeration of multiple congregations, all willing to help the community in whatever way they are capable. The church is growing in a genuine love for the community it is in and a desire to make and keep it healthy. God only knows what he has in store.

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

Sometimes I just get happy, you know? I’ll hear a song or something, and it just makes me feel good. I realize God’s goodness, His faithfulness, His steadfast love…oh, gosh, the list goes on, but you all know that! Look where I am! Look at what He has given me! He has blessed me with an amazing family whom I’m so close to. Not a lot of people have that. I am actually best friends with my sisters. What kind of nonsense is that?! He’s provided a way for me to get an amazing education. Trinity was probably the hugest blessing in my life. Now He’s shown His goodness again, making a way for me to attend Gordon. Ridiculous! All of the support I’ve gotten from my family is just amazing. I can only give Him praise more and more every day of my life. Sure, don’t get me wrong; some days suck, like, a lot. But it is on those very days that He shoves it in my face how faithful He is through it all. He is always there. He has made a way through everything. And by no means is it of any merit of my own! How could I earn this? I deserve nothing but death and suffering for eternity. But the blood He spilled in death cleanses me, and His resurrection carries me with it to restoration to the Father. How much, then, should I live every day out for Him? I must give what feeble faithfulness I can to Him for His perfect faithfulness to me. I must give my lowly life back to Him who gave His holy, perfect life for me.

Someone asked in The Great Conversation the other day, “Is it easier to love or to hate?” My response was, “It depends on which you’re already doing.” That same concept most certainly applies here. “Is it easier to serve God or reject Him?” My response is the same. Sure, to serve God isn’t, in terms of pure observation, easy. Not in the slightest. But when you’re doing it, there’s not a heck of a lot of difficulty! Do you not want to serve God when you are serving Him? He kind of makes it easy to want to. He gives us plenty of reasons to, if we have eyes to see and ears to hear. I live to please my God!

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

Hey guys! It’s been a while since I made a post here, huh? I’m not really sure what to write about, but I’m sure something will come to me. I’m really glad that I’ve been bonding with Max and Tom. They’re awesome guys. Tom and I just need to be more careful about how much sleep we lose playing Minecraft! I’ve yet to find a real kindred spirit, though. I mean, I’ve got Kyle, but I don’t see him quite often enough. He’s a very busy man, and I think I understand that more, now, than I have for the past two years. I was always complaining to him that he didn’t pay enough attention to me, and text me back and stuff, but now I totally get it. It just seems like your time gets filled right up so fast. People ask you to do things that you totally want to do, so you say yes, and, soon enough, your week, and the week after, and the week after that, are completely booked. So, if you’re reading this, Kyle, this is my public apology for all the times I got mad and frustrated and just wasn’t sensitive to your busy life. I totally understand now.

So, Momma’s coming up this weekend, and we’re going to go see Moneyball. It looks really good. I’m wondering if Aimee is planning on coming up with Hannah. It would be great to see her.

I will hopefully have a bike on campus soon, which will be great. I’ll need a bike lock as well, I guess. Don’t want people taking my stuff! Shame. We’re on a Christian campus, and people still just take people’s things. I mean, sometimes it’s probably just someone borrowing something, but still, you should at least ask first! It’s so silly.

Last Saturday (not this past one, but the one before), I went farming with a group that goes every Saturday (this past Saturday it was too wet), and I had a lot of fun. It was relaxing and nice. We harvested stuff, and cleaned off garlic to be sold, and then ate delicious sunshine watermelon. I had no idea that there was watermelon that’s yellow and not red! I think I’m going to go every week. It’s a nice thing to start my Saturdays with.

I guess that’s all I have to say. Until next time, melon seeds…

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

Today has been interesting. I’ve liked it. At least, I think.

 

So, I was making a freewriting post on my other blog (irambleonquietly.tumblr.com), and this occurred:

 

i was horrible. okay, austin. forgive yourself. again. again. now again. do you love yourself? yeah. i do. do you really love yourself? yeah. i told you, i do. no, i mean, do you really really love yourself? like enough to keep forgiving yourself? enough to forgive yourself even if you did something far worse than you’ve ever done? well, i hope i love myself enough. i don’t really want to be put in the situation where id have to find that out. i love myself enough not to do something that bad. yes. i love myself. good. I’m glad to hear it. don’t forget it. you know i will, though. yeah, i know, but its just something you have to say, you know? yeah, i know. i completely get it. well, i mean, you should, seeing as you’re me. yeah, well, you know, whatever. haha. you’re fun to talk to. you say silly things. do i? haha. i think so, too. i like you. good. you probably should. you’ve gotta live with me for the rest of your life. haha yeah. i guess i do, don’t i? yup. yup. yeah… i didn’t think it was possible to have an awkward silence when talking to oneself… i know, right?! its so weird! wow. totally going up as my Facebook status. mine too! omg. you are ridiculous. heehee. i know. okay guys, you are starting to sound crazy. what are the people reading this going to think? does it matter? i don’t think it does. yeah, neither do i. besides, you’re talking to us, too. o. right. i am, aren’t i? hmmm. well, crazy is as crazy does. i can’t believe I’m having a three way group conversation with myself. yeah, you’re kinda nuts. yeah, just a little bit. haha. but i like it that way. hmm, you know, no one is going to be able to tell at certain points where one of us stops talking and the next starts. thats okay, this is for you to get your thoughts out. o, right. well, for anyone reading this, they’ll at least be able to appreciate the simple fact that i am completely bonkers. yup, and i like it that way. mmmm. my sentiments exactly.

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

So, I’ve started classes. Wow. I’m back into school after two whole years out. It’s crazy, though. I thought it would be weird to go into a whole new kind of life, but it feels so natural. I’m making connections, gaining friends, and actually enjoying myself, despite any challenges I’m facing. My roommate, Max, is a pretty kewl dude. I’ve got some friends that I met on La Vida, and we’ve hung out a couple times. I think best of all, I’ve gotten to see Kyle quite a bit. I mean, we both have our schedules, his much busier than mine, but we get to see each other here and there. I’ve missed my bro so much. Of course, now I’m missing my people from home: my little sisters, Audrey and Aimee, my other little sisters, Tehillah, Miriam, and Hannah, my bros, Derek, Brandon, Luke, and Nick, and my “twin” cousin, Sam; and there’s Momma and Daddy, Gramma and Papa, Nanny, Pastor Erik and Auntie Tami, and everybody else I haven’t mentioned… This is definitely new. I’m definitely seeing God’s hand in my life, though. He keeps proving hisself over and over and over. Even when I don’t see him directly, I know he’s working, cuz he’s proven hisself utterly faithful, faithful to the end. That thunder I’m hearing right now, that is a work of his hand. Should I fear it? No! He created it. It shows me all the more, his greatness, and reminds me again that he is in control of everything. It’s so amazing that I’ve been blessed so to be going to school in such an amazing Christian community. Day after day, I see what God is doing in the hearts of my generation. I thought it might just be something happening on Cape Cod, but I’m seeing it far wider than I imagined. God is turning our hearts to him. Did you hear me? In this time of cultural decline, the Lord is turning toward hisself the hearts of my generation who so choose to hand their lives to him. I see fire being stirred up, passion being brought forth, love being poured out. My prayer is ever more fervently this: Continue, Lord! Do not cease what you are working! Keep our hearts soft, and soften those that are still hardened to yours. We love you, and desire to better keep your commands. Amen.

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

So, I’m on La Vida; on my solo, in fact. I figured it’d be a good time to make an entry for the Concise Diaries. Something that has struck me on this trip has been how quickly relationships can develop. Just a week ago, I didn’t know any of the eleven people here with me on this trip. We were complete strangers brought together by chance. I don’t think any of us have much in common, but we’ve bonded in a way that baffles me. There’s Eric, who I’d love to get to know more. He seems like a kewl guy, though not the kind of guy I normally befriend. He’s kinda rambunctious, kinda a clown, and rather an active individual. He’s not very much like me at all. There’s Chris, who has really faced up to the challenges on the trip. I’ve seen him push past his boundaries in a way I’ve never done. I love his desire to seek truth. There’s Elizabeth, who is both withdrawn and outgoing at the same time. She seems to like to be social, but I can tell there’s much more she’s keeping below the surface. There’s Danielle, who seems like a girl not afraid to hang and contend with the guys. There’s Rachel, whom I haven’t quite been able to read very well. She seems fun, though I’m sure there’s far more to her than that. There’s Lydia, who is grasping for attention and affection, and finding it in good places. There’s Caitlin, who seems quiet and reserved, and I’m betting she has quite a brain in her noggin and quite a heart in her chest. There’s Kami, who is quite the trooper. I think she has been critical in keeping us going. She seems to have an awesome outlook on life, and really wants to press into intimacy with God. There’s Jen, who kinda gets me excited about the Holy Spirit’s power. She seems like she’s really connecting with God and falling in love with him. Then there’s our sherpas. There’s Dan, who is actually my age, though he seems far wiser than I. I’d love to get to know him more. Finally, there’s Jill, who seems like she could be an older sister to me. She seems wise beyond her years, and has a composure and a discipline that I very much look up to. I love all of them.

(Source: aust91)

hotdiddlydiggityblog:

Ill be leaving in seven hours for Gordon College, to head to Base Camp for La Vida. If you don’t know what that is, find out yourself. I’ve explained it too many times. Oh, whatever. It’s a twelve-day hiking trip in the Adirondacks. Two of those days, we spend in solitude.

I’m tired. I’ve been going and going and going all night, just doing, doing, doing. Sleep will not come easily; I’m quite antsy. I am excited, don’t get me wrong. I’m just filled with anticipation, be it bad or good. I just keep telling myself that God has brought me here, and he’s the one bringing me through. I’m afraid of making many of the same mistakes I’ve made in the past, and I hope I can find those who will be willing to come alongside me and keep me accountable. I know, though, that God will provide me with what, and whom, I need. If I can handle it alone, he knows it, and he will provide me with the strength, heart, and perseverance to fulfill the plans he has made for me.

Now, I’ve been talking about school itself. As for La Vida, I’m just excited to meet new people and to go on a hiking trip. I love camping and hiking. I think this will be the most intense thing I’ve ever done. I’m totally pumped.

Back to tonight. I’m finally finished. I have nothing left to do in my house. My things are completely packed. I finally hung the giant painting that Kyle, Chelsea, Chelsea, and I made up in my room. My room is going to look all nice for guests and such.

Hey, I don’t think I mentioned: I feel very accomplished; I resurrected an old iBook from 2001! Kyle gave it to me about three or four years ago, and I quickly managed to corrupt the operating system files. Yeah, way to go me. But Olaf Valli happened to have install discs for OS X Panther, so I was able to get it running. It may be old, but it’s an amazing machine.

It seems I’ve been rather all over the place tonight with this post, but I guess it just goes to show how my brain is functioning right now. I need to get some sleep. I suppose it’s time to say goodbye for now. Well, this is Austin Tirrell, signing off.

(Source: aust91)